I keep trying to think of how I would describe depression to someone who didn't have it.The first words that spring to mind are the same as the ones you see on NHS help pages and Web MD. Low mood? Feeling deflated? Little to no motivation?
It's a lot deeper than that though. If I were to describe depression, I would say it was a monster. A slow, viscous killer who knows exactly how to scare you.
Depression is the Death Eater slowly sucking out your soul and leaving you empty.
Depression is Medusa, turning you to stone and leaving you paralysed in a world set on moving on without you.
Depression is the unknown being at the bottom of the sea - you don't know it has you until the tentacles pull you under and the water takes you.
It's an odd thing to describe. For me, D (depression) leaves me feeling scared of myself. Because unlike those monsters creeping up and roaring at you, D isn't a physical being. I can't confront it and slay it. I can't cast a spell and banish it. I just have to hope that out of the two options D has of what to do with me, it decides living is the best one.
I don't know if you've seen the episode of Dr Who where Donna gets the Time Beetle stuck on her back. The episode still resonates with me and I feel like the description of the bug is pretty apt "The time beetle existed in a state of flux; it could not be touched. It was also invisible to humans, except to very sensitive ones."
When I first started showing symptoms of depression, it was my Mum who picked up on it and recommended I go to the Dr. She knew how important it was to catch it early and I'm still extremely grateful to her for it.
Even with all the Sci-Fi and monster references, I still can't put into words what D is like, but I also think no one will ever be able to capture it properly. It's different for everyone and it's not a static experience. Over the past 6 years I have watched D manifest from a smog that isolated me from my friends into a devil on my shoulder whispering lies about my reality to me. One thing is for certain though, it's not just another human emotion.
Part of the stigma around depression is that people feel it is just another word for feeling sad. Everybody hurts, sometimes. But it's important that we keep tabs on these feelings. The repressive nature of toxic masculinity is something we all need to tackle as a community. Being able to express our feelings and having a safe space to work through our emotional processes is vital in not only promoting our wellbeing, but also identifying what is a reaction to a bad situation and what is actually an illness that has a 15% mortality rate. When we talk about the health of a nation, it needs to include emotional and mental as well as physical.
Advice to suffers: know your enemy. Do what you need to in order to accept and acknowledge the issue. Whether it's reading over Dr's reports, tracking your mood and behaviour or visualising what D would look like, having a physical target to refer too and look at is really helpful when you feel overwhelmed.
A piece of advice to those trying to help sufferers: if you both feel comfortable with it, ask about what they're feeling. D doesn't always have a trigger. Sometimes it can appear just because it wants to. You can do as much research as you like, but experiences with D are as individual as a fingerprint. Listen to what they have to say.
x
I keep trying to think of how I would describe depression to someone who didn't have it.The first words that spring to mind are the same as the ones you see on NHS help pages and Web MD. Low mood? Feeling deflated? Little to no motivation?
It's a lot deeper than that though. If I were to describe depression, I would say it was a monster. A slow, viscous killer who knows exactly how to scare you.
Depression is the Death Eater slowly sucking out your soul and leaving you empty.
Depression is Medusa, turning you to stone and leaving you paralysed in a world set on moving on without you.
Depression is the unknown being at the bottom of the sea - you don't know it has you until the tentacles pull you under and the water takes you.
It's an odd thing to describe. For me, D (depression) leaves me feeling scared of myself. Because unlike those monsters creeping up and roaring at you, D isn't a physical being. I can't confront it and slay it. I can't cast a spell and banish it. I just have to hope that out of the two options D has of what to do with me, it decides living is the best one.
I don't know if you've seen the episode of Dr Who where Donna gets the Time Beetle stuck on her back. The episode still resonates with me and I feel like the description of the bug is pretty apt "The time beetle existed in a state of flux; it could not be touched. It was also invisible to humans, except to very sensitive ones."
When I first started showing symptoms of depression, it was my Mum who picked up on it and recommended I go to the Dr. She knew how important it was to catch it early and I'm still extremely grateful to her for it.
Even with all the Sci-Fi and monster references, I still can't put into words what D is like, but I also think no one will ever be able to capture it properly. It's different for everyone and it's not a static experience. Over the past 6 years I have watched D manifest from a smog that isolated me from my friends into a devil on my shoulder whispering lies about my reality to me. One thing is for certain though, it's not just another human emotion.
Part of the stigma around depression is that people feel it is just another word for feeling sad. Everybody hurts, sometimes. But it's important that we keep tabs on these feelings. The repressive nature of toxic masculinity is something we all need to tackle as a community. Being able to express our feelings and having a safe space to work through our emotional processes is vital in not only promoting our wellbeing, but also identifying what is a reaction to a bad situation and what is actually an illness that has a 15% mortality rate. When we talk about the health of a nation, it needs to include emotional and mental as well as physical.
Advice to suffers: know your enemy. Do what you need to in order to accept and acknowledge the issue. Whether it's reading over Dr's reports, tracking your mood and behaviour or visualising what D would look like, having a physical target to refer too and look at is really helpful when you feel overwhelmed.
A piece of advice to those trying to help sufferers: if you both feel comfortable with it, ask about what they're feeling. D doesn't always have a trigger. Sometimes it can appear just because it wants to. You can do as much research as you like, but experiences with D are as individual as a fingerprint. Listen to what they have to say.
x
